Loneliness and awesome post I found online

I’m dealing really well with being lonely right now, to be honest. I kind of like it ๐Ÿ™‚

Being alone, having my own space to think and do whatever I feel like doing. I like this! I like my room too, mainly because it facilitates this new interest of mine on solitude.

Yeah. And an incredible post I found yesterday:

http://msmensen.tumblr.com/post/74362797773/19-things-i-wish-someone-had-told-me-before-i-turned-20

Introductions

Hello World!

The title says it all: I’m a rookie blogger and this is my first creation*. My babyyyyy (sobs). So, let’s give life to this baby :).

First thing first, introductions. I’m an earthling with big dreams, a girl that values her life by the amount of good she can do to the world, one that has traveled a loooooong way to get where she is, and is still not even half-way to getting where she wants to be ๐Ÿ™‚ It’s going to be an adventure!!! Just being alive is a grand thing ^_^

Now to go on more deeply into my life story, it all started 19 years ago, when a young woman of 23 gave birth to her first child in a country with an exotic name and even more exotic geographical position- though everyone in the US for some reason thinks this country is a cold country up north Europe…. -_- whatevs.

So, where was I? Yes, this young woman gave birth to her first daughter in her birth city: one of the largest cities of the country. She and her husband were just two newlyweds trying to make a living starting from practically nothing, but that’s how good they were at their respective professions that they did have a house from the moment they got married :). This might sound like no big deal nowadays, but in myย country that was for more than half a century under communism and utter poverty, this is a very huge achievement. Add that to the fact that they struggled ten times more to get that education being that they were not children of important people (by important I mean rich, affluent, with good political position) and that they were raised in the countryside. Well, it seems this will be more than an introduction… Long story short, I spent my first 4 and a half years in this big city, living with only my mummy and daddy, a couple of summers with my grandparents on the countryside; and then we all moved to the capital, where my sister was born.

From my childhood I remember a lot of things, if not everything. I know everyone says that childhood is the best time of your life… Sure, i mean, you have no worries, no responsibilities; but I don’t think it was for me really. Don’t get me wrong, I had always everything a child would want and need: loving parents that would satisfy all my needs and inquiries (in a reasonable way of course); uncountably fun times with my cousins, adorable grandparents that gave me too much love… but at the same time I was a helpless, always falling ill, always weak kid. I know there was a point in my childhood that I behaved disrespectfully towards elders- I know this because I remember being berated about it- but then again, I guess that’s just growing up, understanding what is allowed and what is not. After that I remember when I was a kid that in those few times I went to kindergarten (I couldn’t go a lot of times because I used to fall ill every now and then), I spent most of my time helplessly trying to fit in society. It was that time that I started to think how I could fit in, how I could make other kids like me, how to interact with peopleย  how to deal with them.

It was so hard. Most of the kids, whose parents unlike mine taught them to be haughty, did whatever they pleased, raised thinking they had a right to everything, not caring about anyone else except themselves, and there weren’t rare the times when I’d end up crying because of the helplessness when they’d take away my toys or when they’d push me away or whatever. It sounds pathetic now, I wish I had been strong enough to have some personality formed that would make the other kids not mess with me, but then again… how could one establish that without some sort of “violence/strength”… and then again, I hate violence above anything, so, maybe I grew in the wrong place at the wrong time. Yep, that’s maybe it.

My elementary school experience wasn’t that great either. Neither was middle school. Ughhh, I had trouble dealing with people, be they my peers or older.

High-school was hell the first year, even though I did get to make some good friends. Second year and third (final) year were good years though. Kind of. Most of the time.

So, as everyone can see people weren’t my forte for a very long time. That was not overall a very bad thing though, it made me grow up so much more than I’d have if problems like this hadn’t existed in my life. ๐Ÿ™‚ and I feel that now that I’m in college and people here are more reasonable ๐Ÿ˜› I’m more socially successful (read: have considerably more friends).

This blog post should be named “The boring beginnings of a not so boring girl”:P. There is certainly so much more to write and share, but I think for this post this should be enough.

Peace! Until the next time. ๐Ÿ™‚

*- well, now it’s not the first, because two other posts are already up… guess this one needed more time to come to life ๐Ÿ™‚

Philosophy on a summer night

Greetings again world!

It’s difficult writing blogs, I must confess. This could also be attributed to the fact, that words don’t really come very easily to me. Or maybe to the fact that my English is not that perfect, and I die inside every time I can’t find the “mot juste” like the French say. My advisor (she’s French) says that this is mostly a problem that Europeans suffer from.

It’s just this terrible feeling of not being able to word your feelings or your ideas into something other humans can grasp. Conversing has turned into something I shun away from, debating has become a nightmare- unless something someone says is entirely out of line according to my principles and beliefs, I don’t even get involved in debates anymore. I hate not having the ability to debate well because of the thinking process that focuses on finding the words and thus makes me sometimes lose track of my train of thought. It’s quite a deficiency, and I hate my deficiencies! Guess my ego is a bit big… but then again according to Neil DeGrasse Tyson* that’s not true ๐Ÿ˜‰

I know this is maybe too much of a talk on a personal, individual struggle and I don’t usually like to spend time on my personal issues; however! I learned this year, that myself counts too. That I need to care of myself as well… and running off, trying to only focus on worldly issues and/or issues of others is a bit cowardly. Indeed, personal struggle is useful because frequent self-reflection will be even more helpful to those worldly problems that trouble my heart and mind. I believe self-reflection makes one a better person. And I need to become a better person in order to change all the wrong my heart and eyes have seen and will see. I need to become a better person, a more knowledgeable person. The most knowledgeable I can!! The more knowledge I gain, the more different views I’m confronted with, the better I’ll become. I say this with quite some confidence, because it has proved to be right so far, and I can’t find any counter-example really ๐Ÿ™‚ so being the ‘scientist’ that I claim to be, I’d say this is a scientific theory! It works! like Walter Lewin would say.

Tonight, as I’m waiting for my return home in less than two days, I’m trying out blogging and uselessly trying to put some stuff on paper regarding my summer plans… there’s a whole lot of idleness that has taken me over though ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

I guess I’ll finish with that, and a hope of regaining my productivity. ๐Ÿ™‚

Peace! Salaam! Shalom! Pace! Paqe!

Much love to the whole world! May God protect each and every one of the humans of this world ๐Ÿ™‚

 

 

 

 

* – reference to the Big Think video on the Cosmic Perspective and the Ego by DeGrasse Tyson.

Mostly rambling. Life. Circuits. Love (unrequited love). Parents. Taxes to be filed.

Hello world!

This week has started off like any other week, same deadlines, same anxieties, same classes. I think I caught a cold during my software lab, somehow… I don’t know how. Anyways, i think I caught a cold because now I’m sniffing like crazy and my head hurts T_T and it’s horrible cause I ย can’t concentrate. And God knows I NEED TO concentrate. I’m trying to figure out some method about solving circuits that we just got today in lecture. Thevenin’s Theorem! <— so unclear to me right now….

I’m so behind in Analysis (another of the classes I’m taking), it’s not even funny.

And I miss a certain person. Too much. Love him too much. T_T

Well yeah, this has been my life lately.

Until next time. When I have time to write a proper blog post.

Peace and love to everyone.